When I dream

When I first dreamed big,
I dreamed of a job,
A job so challenging,
Challenging my limits,
Limits with no boundaries,
And boundaries which do not shape me!

The day I realized what is journalism,
Journalism caught on to me like a child.
A child who has just started to recognize faces,
Faces that are new and unknown.
Little known that unknown are much closer than the known.
Known are the ones who mould you.

Times changed but not my dream.
Dream for a change became a reality,
A reality I waited to live
Live a life of Challenges, competition and fear
Fear of loss, fear of failure.
Failure overpowered the fear of death
Death became a routine
Routine of rape, murder, betrayel and theft
A silent theft of a life
A life of respect and values
Values made way for a life never dreamed of.

Every dream has an end
An end with nothing to look ahead
Ahead is  just a route
A route of deviation
Deviations left you with a hope
A hope of living your dream
A dream yet again
Again at the same place where you started the story
A story which always has something from the past
A past with lot of memories and lessons
Lessons learnt to be yourself

Today I want to be a free spirit
Spirit which has no form but just life
Life that has no rules no promises
Promises are really not meant to be broken

Broken promises make way for stronger spirits
A spirit to live, love, survive and dream till you reach!

What’s a more challenging role – A crime reporter or a wife?

From being a crime reporter to being a wife, I don’t know which one is a difficult role to play. When I talk about my professional work experience and say I was a crime reporter once, there are people giving me a second look. Seriously? Wasn’t it difficult? Oh so risky... Journalism? You have to sacrifice so much for that. And so on.

But I wonder why doesn’t anybody say the same when I say I am married. Out of journalism for more than 3 years now, yet I remember getting back home with a smile. But marriage, the irritation of cooking for necessity every night after a 10 hours of work schedule and 3 hours of driving, I don’t remember getting back home with a smile. The demands and expectations from a wife is way too much when compared to a crime reporter. You end up slogging the entire day and when you are in need of a small help, you don’t find one hand to help or a ear to listen. Thank god I am not a mother yet. Fear even the thought of sacrificing a little more for another person.

Its not my story in isolation. Any married woman reading this would relate. Why cant a woman think about herself first? Why cant a woman become selfish? Why cant a woman live a life she wishes for, why? 

A mistake I made… I stepped out of my identity and questioned!

Relationships make you stronger. Those happy birthday cakes cut when the clock strikes 12, soothing smiles that open doors, the once-in-a-way giggly times sharing tales with your extended family, catching up with what’s happening in that distant cousin’s life, shopping something for another person every time you buy something for yourself… don’t these moments just make your life look more beautiful? Don’t these faces make you stronger every day to face the struggles of life? A small increment and long list of people to share it with... ahhh don't we just live for this....or ... Do we?

I may sound selfish here and I am not too sure if I am the only one looking at life from this perspective. I always thought my relationships made me stronger, made me focus, made me do well in everything I ventured into. But when I step out of my identity and witness myself, I see a different story. Every added relationship has made my life heavier. By heavier I mean the need to push myself and lose myself in the bargain. Then why build new relationships is what I ask?
We grow up looking at a small family around us and then the family grows slowly. Then you get married and suddenly the family has doubled. Now you have more people “concerned”, “interested” “worried” and yes advising you on your next steps. Do you still see yourself in you?
How have these added people added anything to your personality? In a span of 20 or 30 years you are just not the same person as you were supposed to be. No decision is yours but you are responsible when things go wrong. No plans are planned your way but you are to be blamed for not making a plan work. You are answerable to every message that sits in your inbox or every person who shares a chat with you.

I am not here to say why get into relationships. I am here to understand how any person around you has strengthened your personality.
I am not here to say I am right and the whole world is wrong…
I am here to understand the other perspective!
I am not here to say stop building relationships…
I am here to ask what strengthens relationships!
I am not here to say live a lonely life…
I am here to know why your life should interest anyone else!
I am not here to say live just for yourself…
I am here to ask… have you ever lived your life the way you want without giving it a second thought.
One life to live… Aren’t we better individuals being just the way we are?